"Autistic" Is Not a Four-Letter Word

"A gentleman pays attention to his manners.

In every setting."

~Hershel Layton, Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box

In communities of disabled people and their allies, there's a clear divide about one part of language. It concerns which is preferable: person-first (e.g., "person with autism") or identity-first ("autistic person"). Some groups almost universally agree on one, while others are more split. The autistic community falls into the second group.

I've heard plenty of arguments about why we should always use person-first language. You aren't defined by your autism. Autism is just PART of you. Saying "she's autistic" only focuses on the things you can't do. We want everyone to know you're a person before anything else. It's just to emphasize that you are not your autism.

But I prefer to be called an "autistic person" rather than a "person with autism." Let me show you why.

Here's an exercise: please describe the person in the photo below using five words or less.

Source here

So what did you come up with?

Blond boy. Why are we fine with saying it that way and not insisting he be referred to as "boy who is blond"? After all, being blond is just part of who he is, and it certainly doesn't define him. Nor does saying "he's blond" focus on the fact that he isn't a redhead.

Young boy. Same story here. This is even less defining than the above. A blond person is only blond until their hair starts turning gray, and a young person is only young until they get older. An autistic person is autistic their whole lives. Why are we fine with saying "young boy," a label that will only be applicable for a little while, and yet hesitate to say "autistic boy," something that will always be true about that person?

This isn't the end of it. Why can we refer to someone as an "intelligent person," a "left-handed person," or an "athletic person" and have no problem with it - but then as soon as autism comes into the picture, we suddenly need help remembering they're a person? It all seems to come back to the idea that autism is some terrible, awful thing that no one would ever want to be associated with. There are parts of autism that are bad, and parts that are good, but the way I see it, we're stuck with it. Why not look at it positively?

Boy on a swing set. Once this boy gets off the swing set, he'll still be the same person. The boy and the swing are separable. That isn't the case with autism, which is hard-wired into a person's brain. If you took away my autism, you'd have to take away all of me with it. You can't just remove the "autistic parts."

Because of the nature of autism, it affects a person right down to the way they think and feel. It's different than if you were to say, for example, "a person with HIV." If you could remove the HIV from a person, you'd still have the same person. They are separable. (And this is putting aside the fact that HIV/AIDS ultimately kills, which isn't comparable to autism at all....but I digress.) Even if it were somehow possible to remove the autism from a person, that person's mind wouldn't work the same way afterwards. It's not a side dish or an accessory.

Now, I know my opinion isn't the only one out there, nor is it better than someone else's. So if I came across someone who preferred being called "a person with autism," of course I would respect that and refer to them appropriately. Along the same lines, knowing whether to use identity-first or person-first language doesn't mean you don't have to be conscious of what you're saying. As a general rule, if you aren't sure, swap in another adjective and see. Just as it's not polite to refer to someone as "that Russian kid," nor is it polite to call them "that autistic kid."

But at the end of the day, autism is just autism. It's not automatically a terrible thing, it's just part of who we are. And as long as we aren't afraid to say "blond boy" or "young boy," nor should we be afraid to say "autistic boy."

People should not be ashamed to represent exactly who they are, and which parts of them will always remain. And that, of course, is where autism falls into place quite neatly.